Friends of Bill Twelve-Step Program for Recovering Democrats 1. Admit that you are powerless over electoral politics, exit polls, and Diebold machines. 2. Quit Googling “Ohio” + “provisional ballots.” 3. Apologize to all right-wingers you have harmed through reasonable inquiry, keen insight, and 527 ads. 4. Recognize that only a power greater than yourself—the Federal Election Commission—can restore your sanity. 5. Forgive Ralph Nader. 6. Understand that God is the final Judge and that He is a Republican. 7. Call off the recount in your household. 8. Stop throwing darts at red states. 9. Take a thorough personal inventory of all your socialist leanings, dovish sentiments, and gay fantasies. 10. Accept that there is only one true alcoholic, and he is in the White House. 11. Leave the Clinton library, listen to Toby Keith CDs, move to Texas, and buy a pickup truck. 12. Sign up for Iraq. Click here to rant back. |